Jireh turns one month old this Wednesday.What a month!I wondered at first why don’t more new mums share their struggles because I never heard from anyone that it would be this tough the want-to-die-or-cry-and-give-up-and-throw-away-baby kind of tough.At one point I regretted wanting a child, and even now, I am toying with the idea of having only one.В
I wondered but then I think I know why now it is just indescribable.Unless someone has gone through it themselves, you end up sounding whiney and filled with self-pity and the other person wouldn’t know what to say anyway.It is hard to be honest about the struggles in a way that is not discouraging.And I’m still trying to talk about it with words that will glorify God.
I have struggled emotionally seeing Jireh sick and feeling guilty about not enjoying him; relationally I was very fearful of visitors, finding them a nuisance, even the grandparents and also missing my time with Graham alone; physically a decade long of insomnia had not prepared me for an exhaustion such as this; mentally I kept asking Graham if he thinks I have post-natal depression; and lastly spiritually fighting to apply the gospel to all of these.В
And you know what?The more I don’t feel as в
